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Still of the Night by StAngelS

BBella wakes up every night at 2.13am, heart racing, fearful. Can the Doctor cure her or will the arrival of a dark stranger help Bella find peace from her past?

Visions of Our Destiny by ForksPixie

Jasper has been waiting 60 years for Alice's vision of his vampire soul-mate. What happens when she knocks on the Cullen door escorted by the Volturi Guard. Vamp Story /AU

The Feeder by Lindsay520

Bella is captured as Edward's newest "feeder". After weeks of drinking Bella's blood, one night takes a strange and seductive turn, sending Edward's mind spinning in circles.

A Whole Lotta Trouble by jacndaniel

After graduating from college, Bella makes her way to Vegas so she can marry her childhood sweetheart. An unexpected stop lands her in a lazy little town and on Edward's doorstep. Mechanicward meets Sassella ...Hijinx ensue...

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Visions of Our Destiny by @ForksPixie

Official Summary:
Jasper has been waiting 60 years for Alice's vision of his vampire soul-mate. What happens when she knocks on the Cullen door escorted by the Volturi Guard. Vamp Story /AU
 
Review:
I want to first start off by saying that Forks is an amazing author that has an ability to take an idea and develop an amazing little plot bunny. This fic is no different.
 
I started reading this fic, in part because of my wife. She loves Forks’ writing and talked about it all time, so I decided to give it a try. Also, Forks reads my works, so like any good author, we return the favor and I am so glad that I did.

First this is NOT a cannon story. Edward is not Bella’s love interest, so if you don’t do non-cannon, turn and run now! However, I beg each of you reading this POW to give it a try. You will not be surprised.

This story starts with Bella packing to return to Italy, The University of Florance, for her school semester, but she is back in Forks for her father’s funeral. Charlie had been killed by a robber the week prior.  She had not seen her father since she was a girl, as she lived in Miami with her mother and Phil.

My mother, Phil and I returned to Forks for my father's funeral. It seemed as though the whole town was in attendance, including the entire Quileute reservation from La Push. This was my mother's first time back since she left my father when I was a baby.

After the funeral, she leaves for Italy.

I arranged for an apartment on campus and I couldn't wait to see all the places from the books and tourist guides I had diligently read as soon as I knew I was headed for Italy. I looked forward to visiting the artistic sites such as the Pitti Palace, the Uffizi Museum, Michelangelo's famous sculpture of David, and the Ponte Vecchio Bridge which was the oldest of its kind in Florence.

She arrives in Italy and settles into her apartment. She decides to go one night. Here is where she meets, as Forks puts it, “the person that would change my life forever,” Heidi.

She walked up to me, breathed me in and said, "You smell lovely."
I hadn't noticed her walk up to me. I didn't hear her foot steps. She was pale with purple eyes. I pulled slightly away from her and raised my eyebrows at her. What a strange thing to say to someone. "Thank you. I guess," I said.
"Please excuse my forwardness," she apologized with a smile that dazzled. "My name is Heidi. From your accent I assume you are American. I too am American and miss the aromas of home."
"Oh…sorry for my reaction," I said with a chuckle. "It just sounded like you wanted to eat me."
"Have you been in Italy long?" she asked as we began to walk slowly through the square.
"No I just arrived and was taking a walk."
"Are you here on a family vacation?"
"No. I am here for a semester at the university. I don't know anyone yet and was hoping to make friends and learn my way around."

Heidi takes her to the castle, Volterra.

Jasper’s POV (The Major) has been waiting for his beauty for 60 years. Alice told him that he had a perfect mate and he just had to be patient.  Her visions of his mate had always been obscure, then all of the sudden she could see her perfectly. Jasper’s coven is the Cullen’s, led by the one and only, Carlisle.

Emmett was already opening the doors to the back-porch before Edward had even finished his response. We all stood to follow him when Alice cried out, "NO!" Edward was immediately at her side. The horrors of Alice's vision clear on his face.
"What is it?" I asked, hoping that we had time to prepare for whatever was coming.
"She's alone. She's changing all alone," Alice whispered, still lost in her vision.
"Who? Who is changing?" I could not help the growl in my voice as I asked for more information.
Alice turned to look at me, her eyes filled with the venomous tears she could never release. "Your mate."

Bella Arrives at the castle, Heidi was leading to her death. Bella tries to get away, but Heidi holds her tight, as vampires drink the rest of the tourists that arrived with them on the bus.

Heidi put her hand to my chin and turned my face to expose my neck. "I am sorry, dear. But you must know that you exist to sustain us." She licked her lips and opened her mouth, exposing her sharp, glistening teeth. The shriek that had been lodged in my throat was ready to escape when I heard a man call out in an assertive voice. "Heidi, release her! That one is mine."

Aro, takes Bella,

The robed, monstrous man placed his hard cold hands on my upper arms and lifted me, my feet dangling off the floor. "Why run my dear? It will do you no good."
I could feel my teeth begin to chatter as my body shook uncontrollably. I was staring death in the eyes and I had no way to escape. The monster before me had perfect features. His white skin had a glowing appearance. Smooth and thin, almost translucent – it contradicted the blackness of his long hair that framed his face and his piercing eyes were black as night.
He placed me on the floor and his right arm snaked around my waist, pulling me flush against his stone-like body. He raised his other hand to brush my hair aside before grabbing the back of my head to expose my neck. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the pain of his teeth sinking into my flesh, but it did not come. I opened my eyes to see that he was looking at me with furrowed eyebrows. It was a look I could only describe as confused.
"So very interesting," he said in a low voice calling for someone by name. "Jane, dear?"
In an instant a small cloaked girl was standing by his side. "Yes, Master Aro?"

Here, Aro allows Jane to try too torture Bella. Nothing happened, and Aro was truly excited. He decided to give Bella the gift of immortality. Bella tried too resist, but Aro sank his teeth into her anyway.

Aro then gives Bella to Felix to take to a room, to assist and wait for the change to happen.

Once Bella awakens from her change, she meets with the brothers Aro, Caius, and Marcus. Instantly they can see that Bella is different, special even.  She shows that she has not desire to feed the way the Volturi. Realizing that he can not train her, Aro decides to call his old friend, Carlisle to see if his coven would be willing to take Bella under their wings.  The connection between Bella and Jasper is immediate.

How will this story continue, as I will NOT spoil anymore. I will tell you that Jasper in this story is one of my favorites, as his love for Bella is so intense, only to be coupled by Forks’ ability to describe with such fluidity in her writing.

This is a story littered with love, humor and yes a little angst along the way. I hope that you will give this story a try, as I could probably tell you the entire story but I will leave the experience to you.

Also, leave this author a review, as she always responds! I hope you enjoy, Visions of Our Destiny, as I know I have.

Thanks,

TwiFicDatabase
@jaydogrut
[Ed. Note: Please excuse any formatting or linking errors. Blogger is being a huge tool. These will be fixed ASAP (a.k.a. when our webmaster is fully awake in the morning,)]

Miracles and Mischief by Esme Mom Cullen

Miracles and Mischief was voted not only the overall fan favorite in our Fornicatin' Father's Day Contest, but also a judge's pick and the Best Lemon. As the overall winner, not only does Esme Mom Cullen get banners and eternal bragging rights, but a full review of her story. We thought it was great and decided to make it our Pick of the Week this week.

Summary: What if Carlisle and Esme were granted the wish that was always out of reach? On Father's Day, Carlisle has a new reason to celebrate and revels in the delights of the changes in his wife.

Review:
I was more than a bit surprised (pleasantly!) that we got more than one canon entry in our Contest, and then extra thrilled that everything wasn't Bella and Edward. I do love our original OTP, but I have grown to appreciate (and sometimes favor) other pairings just for a change. Believe it or not, this is actually a canon oneshot wherein Esme and Carlisle become parents.

There's a lot of extra/new mythology in this story dealing with Nahuel and his familiy and the other South American vamps, along with a pretty incredible vampire gift, that leads to the miracle of Esme's pregnancy. One of my favorite bits of the story happens before they even discover she is pregnant:
Edward was tinkering at the piano, when he started laughing.
"What's so funny?" Bella called out in Portuguese before I could ask the question.
"I'm sorry. It's Esme. Her mind is wandering in a very strange fashion." He looked over at me. "Has she said anything about trying her hand at caricatures?"
"No, although I'm sure she would be very good at it."
"She's thinking about animated versions of the family. It's quite peculiar, and she seems to be focused on that and nothing else."

Carlisle goes upstairs to discover Esme isn't just thinking about caricatures - she's actually fallen asleep and is dreaming about them. The sleeping is the first of many symptoms that alert the rest of the Cullen clan that something isn't quite right. Carlisle seems to experience the epitome of utter befuddlement for a thankfully short period of time before a relative of Nahuel's, Khalida, shows up to explain. I won't give away the explanation because that's half the beauty of the story.

The other half is the absolutely reverent way in which Carlisle worships Esme in celebration of their first Father's Day together. It's sweet and endearing and comfortable, the way a couple should be after 60+ years together. At the same time, it's still refreshingly new.

I slid off the bed to start removing my clothes. As I began to unbutton my shirt, she sat up a little and called to me sweetly, "Do you want some help with that?"
"No, my love. Just relax." She required rest now. She couldn't make love for hours on end like before. Honestly, before we never had to stop, and there were times on her island when we had marathon sessions that lasted for days. I could never get enough of her, but now our time had to be limited. Her energy needed to be reserved. "Save your strength," I teased with a wink as I finished undressing.
She rolled her eyes at me, crossed her arms, bent her knees and pulled them up, and attempted to suppress a smirk. In a complete state of undress, I crawled from the end of the bed toward her knees and rested my chin on them and looked at her adorable face. She pressed her lips together, trying to suppress a laugh. Her attempt to look put out was very charming. I kissed both her knee caps, which must have been the secret password, because she slowly began to separate them. As her legs moved apart I trailed kisses down in between them until I reached those purple panties.
Be sure to check out our Interview with Esme Mom Cullen and then go give the story a read!
As always, thanks for reading!
@TwiFicDataBase staff

Author Interview with Esme Mom Cullen

Author Interview with EsmeMomCullen, author of Miracles and Mischief, winner of the TwiFicDataBase's Fornicatin' Father's Day Contest

 

What gave you the idea for this story? Did you have the story idea before you entered the contest or was the contest part of your inspiration? 

Last September a drabble of a conversation between Esme and this mysterious being, who has become Khalida, popped into my mind. I wrote it down immediately. I always thought would make a good prologue for a multi-chapter fic.  That piece is called If I Had One Wish. I just recently published it on my tumblr.  You’ll also find the incredible banner FrozenSoldier created for Miracles and Mischief at the bottom of that post!

Every once in a while I would think about If I Had One Wish and how I could expand it, but there just hasn’t been time. When I heard about the Fornicatin’ Father’s Day contest I immediately thought about how I could take the basis of that idea and create a story for the contest. 

The ending author's note to the story mentions that you might be continuing this one-shot. Any plans for that now?

I’m a full time corporate professional with a long Southern California commute so I’m often not home, which makes it tough to find time to write.  I’m starting to shape it now. I was struggling with how I was going to transition it from a one shot to a multi-chapter fic, but I believe I have solved that issue. It will continue under the Miracles and Mischief title. The next chapter will take us back to the beginning of the story when the Cullen’s go to South America and meet Maysun, Chisisi, and Khalida for the first time. The story will transition back and forth between Carlisle and Esme’s POV. If things go as planned, you should be seeing the first new chapter within the next few weeks. 

What did you find the hardest about writing this story? Or the easiest?
Writing the sex is always a struggle for me.  I always want it to be sexy, not boring, and not repetitive of another moment that I already published. When people tell me that they love my “lemons” I’m always in disbelief for a moment, but I’m thrilled that people enjoy intimate Carlisle and Esme. 

The easiest part was writing Carlisle’s worship of Esme as the mother of his child and his excitement over becoming a father. His reaction just came naturally because he adores her so much.

What do you like most about writing? Least? (Whether it's fan or original fiction.)
I love the creativity and escapism that fanfiction writing allows me. I write a lot in my job, but it’s very business focused materials. This allows me to use my writing talents in another way. 

What I like least is the amount of time it takes! It is a hobby for me, but there are times when the idea is in my head and I wish I could just transfer it to paper without the laborious action of typing it all.

Tell us about your other work. Is it all canon or AU? Do you have a favorite pairing? Do you find canon/AU harder to write than AH, or vice versa?
My favorite pairing is Carlisle and Esme and most of my work to date has been Carlisle/Esme. My major body of work is The Esme Chronicles. I’m currently working on the second part of what will be a trilogy. It kills me how little we learn about Esme from the books.  All we learn about her past is that she had a baby that died, she jumped off a cliff to her death, and Carlisle changed her. As I often say, for all we know from the books she could have been a knocked up prostitute! Sadly, we learn from the Correspondence with Stephenie Meyer on Twilight Lexicon (and now in The Twilight Saga: The Official Illustrated Guide), that she had a very unhappy and abusive marriage.  I fell in love with Carlisle in Twilight and I wanted to know more about the woman that won Carlisle’s heart after centuries alone. If Stephenie wasn’t going to tell it, then I was going to. I used everything we knew from the books and the Correspondence as the basis of the story and then went from there.  

The first story is The Esme Chronicles: The Human Years, which begins in Esme’s childhood and tells her story up through when she opens her eyes for the first time as a vampire. The story I’m currently working on is The Esme Chronicles: The Vampire Years, which picks up where The Human Years left off and will eventually take us up to when they decide to move to Forks. The third part will be The Twilight Years, which will start with the Cullen’s arrival in Forks and go through post-Breaking Dawn. It’s completely canon work.  I try to show that Esme is a strong, smart and independent woman. In the Saga we only see her as just “Edward’s mom” through Bella’s eyes.  We never know that she ran away from her abusive husband, abandoning any familiar relationships, and took a job as a schoolteacher while she was pregnant, to protect her child. This is one strong woman and again there has to be something very special about her to win Carlisle’s heart.

I now have two canon/AU stories under my belt. C’mon, Mama Bear takes place during Breaking Dawn.  In a moment of need, Emmett and Esme have a little one-time only romp to relieve their tension. The other canon/AU is of course Miracles and Mischief.

This year I started writing letters from characters to mark holidays and occasions. For Mother’s Day, Edward wrote a letter to Esme, and on August 13th Esme wrote a wedding day letter to her son. There was also a Father’s Day letter from Carlisle to Edward. It’s just been a nice way of remembering the character’s feelings for each other and their response to the events.

There are also two canon one shots on my story list. The Rocky Horror Cullen Halloween Show, which is just a fun piece where the Cullen’s Halloween costume theme ends up being The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The second is Just the Way You Are, which was inspired by the Bruno Mars song. In this story, Carlisle hears the song for the first time and feels like it was written about his wife. When he arrives home, he and Esme have the house to themselves and they take advantage of it. Just the Way Your Are won the Avant Garde Award for Best One-Shot.

I could never write AH unless it’s a pre-vampire story such as The Human Years. Even if I write AU, I still believe in keeping the characters canon. To me being a vampire is essential to their characters. It defines them as characters.  If it’s 2011 and Carlisle’s a human then to me it’s not Carlisle Cullen. I know a lot of people disagree with me, but that’s my opinion.

What are some of your favorite Twilight fanfiction stories? Can you share with us a sentence or two about why you like them in particular?
I don’t read a lot of fanfiction for a couple reasons. First, I barely have time to write so when I do get a free moment I tend to focus on working on my own stories.  Two, I don’t want someone else’s idea to get in my head. I tend to avoid reading fanfiction canon stories so they don't influence what I have planned for The Esme Chronicles. I have bookmarked many stories that I look forward to reading when I'm done writing.  

When I first started writing what’s now known as The Esme Chronicles, there were not many Carlisle/Esme writers. There’s still more Carlisle/Bella than Carlisle/Esme stories, but the community has grown.

Many Carlisle/Esme authors and readers are familiar with Elise Shaw’s work, which unfortunately is no longer on fanfiction.net. I only read Carlisle and Esme: The Deleted Scenes, which is a look at some of the intimate moments of their life together. She has a beautiful way with words and storytelling that has impressed and gained the admiration of many Carlisle and Esme fans.

Empty Nest by SassyGeminiMom is a wonderful Carlisle/Esme one shot.  For the first time in two years, Carlisle and Esme have the house to themselves and they need to make up for some lost time. What I love about this story is that Esme is confidant, sexy and blows Carlisle’s mind. She is the self-assured Esme that I always imagine. 

A Light in the Darkness by SweetT129 is an AU story where Edward, Esme, Leah, Paul and Jacob do not survived the newborn battle in Eclipse.  It becomes a Carlisle/Bella love story, which I would usually be against, but the author takes care of the characters that have been lost with such love and respect that I adore this story. It’s also not teenaged Bella suddenly hooking up with Dr. Cullen. The relationship happens over time and Bella matures to Carlisle’s level. If there has to be a story where Carlisle isn’t with Esme, this is how it should be done.  

If Love Be Love is an ongoing series of one shots by my friend and TEC beta, MelissaMargaret. It’s a series of Carlisle/Esme intimate moments and I may be particularly partial because the first one was dedicated to me, but they are lovely stories.

Anything you want to add? 

There are other places you can find me in the Twilight fandom. I’m a staff writer for HisGoldenEyes.com. I’m on staff of The Avant Garde Awards, which specifically recognizes newer fanfiction writers. You can always find me on twitter at @ohmycarlisle and my tumblr. If you want to talk to The Esme Chronicles’ Esme, you can tweet her @_esme_cullen and I just started a tumblr called “Ask Esme Cullen”.  The “Ask Esme” tumblr was inspired by the “Ask Carlisle Cullen” tumblr, which is run by the author of Ithaca is Gorges, giselle-lx.

Thank you to my betas on the Miracles and Mischief one shot, MarchHare5 and Batgirl8968. Thank you to MelissaMargaret for giving the thumbs up to If I Had One Wish last September! Thank you to sweetishbubble and December.LeNoir for their ongoing love and support.

Thank you to everyone who has read an Esme Mom Cullen story! I know Esme isn’t the most popular character, but I’ve been amazed by readers’ responses to my work. It has a tendency to make people see Esme in a different light and realize that she’s not just “Edward’s emotional mother.” There’s so much more to her character. Keep  spreading the Esme and Carlisle love!

 

The Feeder by @Lindsay520

The Feeder by lindsay520

Right off the bat I suppose I should issue a warning. This is a very AU story: there's blood-drinking and violence. That said, that's exactly why this fic works and exactly why I picked it.  It's new and different and I've never read a fic like it.

Edward and his family are blood-drinkers, but are still concerned with taking human lives. Their solution is to have what they call "feeders." One human who they feed off of, drinking only a little bit each time, for weeks to months at a time. This minimizes the number of humans who die at their hands. The major drawback to this is that they have to feed daily. So Edward keeps Bella handcuffed to his bed in a remote cabin in the woods so that she can't even try to escape and so that he can drink from her regularly.

It sounds pretty macabre, and I suppose it is, but it's also really compelling. 

One night, three weeks after Edward found (kidnapped) Bella, he comes home to feed. He allows her to get up from the bed, where she's been for hours it seems, to use the bathroom and move around for a minute. Then she does something even more self-sacrificing than canon Bella - she basically offers herself to him. She doesn't fight, doesn't even protest. She gets comfortable back on the bed and asks if Edward is ready.

Things progress from there - the bloodlust leads to good ol' fashioned regular lust and they end up making passionate love. It might start as needy, blood-fueled fucking, but the emotional impact it has on both of them, but especially Edward, is immense.

Their relationship changes and grows after that. Despite the fact that Bella is still Edward's feeder, she becomes much, much more. He gives a name to his feelings for her when she almost gets taken from him by another vampire.

There's probably a bit of Stockholm syndrome going on here, since Bella quickly and obviously develops feelings for Edward as well, but lindsay520 does a great job of explaining why Bella is attracted to Edward (aside from his vampire perfectness) so it's still believable.

One of the things I really enjoy about this story is that it is incredibly different from canon (for obvious reasons) but it manages to keep some canon themes and elements throughout. Believe it or not, Edward does struggle to keep Bella safe and alive even while he's feeding. Then there's the almost inevitable debate, once he recognizes his feelings, of what to do with Bella - let her grow old as a human or change her into a vampire. There's also the third option of keeping her as a feeder for longer; the danger there is that he could accidentally take too much and cause her death.

I have to say, as much as I love the canon and slightly AU stories, I really love it when an author takes Meyer's world and turns it on its end. This is exactly that kind of story and I can't recommend it enough.

Final warning: there is passing mention of Bella being raped, but it's never explicitly detailed and nor is it by Edward. It plays in to describing her character and how she got to be where she is, but it isn't a major plot theme. Just be aware that it's there if this is a trigger of yours.

And a note: Normally I'd include quotes or excerpts from the story in a review. This time, I honestly just couldn't decide what to include because it was either too much awesome or a spoiler. So just go read the story and find the quotes for yourself. :)

Thanks for reading!
TFDB Staff
@sapphirescribe 

Monthly Reading List - August

Monthly Reading List

We think that anyone who has the guts to put their words out in this fandom deserves to be honored. That's why we do this post.

Send me Love by SweetestLady-2030: Each of us is looking for that Special Someone. Some of us find it, some of us don't. To Edward it happens under unusual circumstances when he expects it the least. Will he be able to step over the obstacles life has put in his way? EdwardxBella AH

Opposites Attract by love2read30: Bella celebrates her 30th birthday in a club where she meets Edward. She finds out he works in the adult entertainment industry as an actor. Will prude Bella go on this journey with Sexpert Edward? Rated M for Lemons. EdwardxBella AH

Don't Judge a Bella by Her Cover by jtmd24: Edward meets sweet, innocent Bella at a strip club one night. Or so he thinks. He may have just met his match. Rated M for language & lemons. EdwardxBella AH

How Can I Help You by sugunary: After years away, Bella Swan returns to a place she thought she left behind, and someone she wasn't sure wanted to see her, ever again. A story of how your life can change when you least expect it. AH, B/E, Em/R, A/J Not a cheating fic. EdwardxBella AH

Evermore Experience by deJean Smith: Bella Swan receives an invitation to the exclusive Evermore Experience, an in-depth immersion summer program where she plans to fully explore 19th century England, but fate has other plans for her once she arrives. A mostly AU story. EdwardxBella AU

For other recs, check out previous months Reading Lists: June 

Agent 00hot by maxandmo

 

Agent 00hot by maxandmo

This is a great fic for me to review. Here we have an author that is not only hysterical but truly a great person. Max is writing a story that she can relate to. Bella is a parole officer and the author is a former parole officer.

Bella meets Edward in a local bar in the first chapter.

Are you frigging kidding me? Why didn't anyone tell me he was this hot? All these months I heard about Edward Cullen, the one who had moved on to the F.B.I., and not once did those morons mention that their old friend was a total hottie. I was trying to play this cool, but i couldn't help but sneak glances at this green-eyed God with the best hair I had ever seen.

Bella usually sits at home, but one night her coworker (who knew Edward) gets her to come out to the bar. Once she gets a look at Edward, Bella's nerves overcome her and she runs to her friend, Jessica. Even though she was trying to avoid contact with the Green-Eyed God, he has his sights set on her.

As I turned to look, Edward was in fact staring at me, holding a pink drink in his hand, and yes, his hair was indeed, fucked up.

We come to find out that though the connection between these two is instantaneous, it's not to be because Edward is taken by Tanya. Things might not be quite what they seem, however.

We had been together for a little more than a year. Things were definitely on the downward spiral, but I was used to the constant piece of ass, and was scared shitless to just end it. Tanya was cool enough to hang out with, I just couldn't imagine us going any further. I also couldn't imagine telling her she had to move out of my condo. Not that I ever actually asked her to move in, but that's another story.

That night at the bar, however, Emmett introduces Edward and Bella and Edward is quickly interested.

As she looked up I noticed her cheeks were flushed pink, she was chewing on her bottom lip, and she had the most beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen.

Their eyes remain locked but Edward gets nervous and can't approach Bella either.

He was now starting to slowly make his way over to us, never breaking the stare. I felt myself start to blush and was hoping no one noticed. All of a sudden there was a panicked look on his face, and he grabbed his cell phone off of his belt. He stayed on the phone for just a minute and then ran his hands through his hair looking frustrated. He gave me a half wave and turned back towards the bar. I noticed him say something to Emmett and the next thing I knew he was gone.

The plot thickens as we see some great interactions between Bella and her parolees that make me, for one, wonder if the author had some of the same experiences. I have to say, reading these interactions make me think of a spiced up Law and Order. I can see it now, Max at a table, a criminal at the other end, but instead of the "normal" interactions, the most absurd yet completely believable things happen.

There are two such instances in the story that I can talk about.

One involves a chance through a house, where Bella is chasing an offender. Just the words: "-TOTAL OVERKILL- TATE PAROLE OFFICER SHOOTS DOG 13 TIMES BUT THE OFFENDER GOT AWAY.-"

The other is one of my wife's favorites.

"Come on, Bree, it's time to pee," Sam barked out with authority.

I couldn't help myself and snorted while trying to hold in my laughter. He looked at me like I was nuts, but did he really not realize what he aid?

Bree and I walked into the bathroom, and I leaned against the wall acting like I wasn't paying any attention to her. She was stalling, and I knew she was up to no good. I took out my phone and acted like I was texting.

I saw her take a canister out of her pocket and open the lid. She was about to pour the liquid into the container when I told her to drop it. She dropped it alright, all over the floor. Whatever the hell was in the canister splashed up and sprayed all over my pants, soaking them.

"Fuck," I spat. "Put your goddamn hands against the wall."

She complied, and I placed her under arrest. "Sam, get your ass in here."

Sam walked and gaped at the wetness that was my pants. "Bella, you're in the bathroom. Why didn't you say you had to go?"

"Ha ha ha," I laughed dryly.

I would have rather pissed my pants than to have someone else's piss on them. The sucky part was now I had to go to the jail like that. Lovely.

I remember drinking a pop and as this scene unfolded and the poor, poor puppy was shot, I snorted pop out my nose. Well, the puppy was not so nice and the pop burned like fire, too.

You follow Bella, Jasper, Emmett, Edward and others on an adventure to solve a series of bank robberies. Along the way, Edward and Bella's relationship blossoms.

Finally, I must give Max credit for her writing of Esme. What a woman. You will find yourself laughing until you can't breathe at some of the things this lady does and says, but I won't spoil that for you.

Now go off and read the story. If not for the story, at least do it for the humor. When you combine both you have a great fic written by a great author. Max has lived up to her name with this one and I look forward to see what she's going to do next. I hope it's a story with Esme as the lead - I could die of laughter. Go read. Enjoy and laugh and make sure you leave a review as Max always responds in her witty way.

Thanks for reading!
TwiFicDataBase Staff
@jaydogrut

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