Official Summary
"Error 434: Reprimanding an executive." Life changing or just stupid? Dear Mr. Masen: A story of unauthorized internet usage, culinary delights and the goings-on at Cullen, Inc.
Review
I was lucky enough to find this story at almost the very first posting. I knew after reading the first author's note that it was going to be fantastic, and so far I've been proven right. Cute, clueless, but brilliant CFO Edward? Check. A self-assured, crazy, IT-working slash Chef Bella? Double check.
Dear Mr. Masen is a story about Edward and Bella; they work in the same company, meet by accident, become friends, and eventually fall for each other. Self-sabotage, a no-fraternization policy, and a variety of meddlers make any sort of relationship between these two almost impossible. The authors do a great job of giving each character their own identity and of making the characters themselves believable; this makes the story more real despite the sometimes unbelievable things that happen. The witty email exchanges, the use of delicious food, and gobs of UST are what put this story over the top.
She blushed a little, but not as much when I noticed that there was one particular glass that stood out from the rest. Me being me, I simply had to select that one. It was a Mayor McCheese glass, the collectible kind that McDonald's used to offer with certain meal deals for a limited time only. The Mayor had a cheeseburger for a head. I couldn't not pick him."Ah, I'll take this one," I said jovially. "I've always been amused with how this guy manages to stay balanced when he walks. I know many people with big heads, but not like this.""I'm sure the pickles and ketchup are evenly distributed so as to lessen the tilt factor," Bella quipped, seemingly happy that I wasn't making fun of her for owning this particular piece of drinkware."Maybe the pickles should be on the side, like in his pocket," I mused. "He must get awful neck pain."Bella laughed, and I was happy that I could return some of the joy she'd brought into my life."Maybe they have special chiropractors for fast food characters. If he and Hamburglar go together I bet they get a discount," she joked.
You just won't be able to get enough of this Edward. He's so smart and yet so clueless about social protocol that it's amazing Bella hasn't kicked his ass across across the city. In addition to his constant bumbles and mistakes, he has to remind himself of the no fraternization policy he's being groomed to take over. So dating between the two of them is a big no-no. Will he break the rules? (Of course he will! That's why we love him!)
And then I realized something as I was hugging her. She was warm and soft and... a woman. Not that I'd never noticed - we'd embraced before and there was no denying her beauty. But this was something entirely different and having her this close was awakening other parts of my body. Parts that were insisting I get even closer.
Go read Dear Mr. Masen and overdose on cuteness and hilarity. It's the perfect thing to keep you entertained while you're beating the heat by chilling by the pool.
Author Interview
What gave you the idea for this story?
J: This all started with a review I received for Finding Home, in which the reviewer, m1eab01 (who you can either thank or blame when this is all over), mentioned that what prompted her to read was a particularly rambling and nonsensical review I left for Bel's The Cullen Campaign. I thought it was really sweet, so I emailed Bel the details.
B: And I said "You and I should write a story one day that's like a ramble-off between Bella and Edward. I know I would read it! Office memos or something like that."
J: And then I said "I can totally see it now. Bella works in the IT department of a huge corporation, and she has to send memos to Edward about his unauthorized web surfing. She watches what he does and while she has to reprimand him about non-work related web usage during working hours, she also inserts little rambles about the websites he visits."
B: And then we discovered that we liked writing together, so much so that we turned that long chain of rambling emails into first few chapters of a real story. Yes, a real story. Not a fake one. A real one. We hope you enjoy reading this, because we've had a blast writing it!
J: Wait. This sounds familiar.
B: Does it? What are you saying? That we don't have any original ideas?
J: No, just that we're lazy.
B: Yeah, okay. So should I write a footnote saying we copy-pasted from our A/N?
J: Meh. That sounds like too much work.
Are there any fanfic authors that inspire you?
Not really. We inspire each other.
What was your main inspiration for your lead characters?
J: We were goofing off and trying to make each other laugh. It's really not more complicated than that.
B: She speaks the truth. Word.
What do you think it takes to make a fic special and stand out to a reader?
B: Special is a subjective term. Generally, I think something original and well-written should stand out. Or, you know, you can write a bunch of smut or something. ("Bunch of smut"... that doesn't seem like the best collective term. But I digress...).
What did/do you find the hardest about writing this story?
J: We literally live a world away, so collaborating can be difficult. So I'll neglect my family for a time when I know Bel is free. Because fan fiction is much more important than feeding my family.
B: In Tomorrowland, DMM writes you! Oh wait, that's Soviet Russia. My bad.
Why do you think people should read this story?
J: They shouldn't. It's terrible and we're a bad influence on the youth of the world.
B: Just the youth? Way to discriminate, J.
J: It's too late for adults, isn't it? We're already so screwed up it doesn't make a difference. Most adults know they can't orgasm on demand.
What cliches do you feel authors should avoid while writing fanfic?
J: That's not really for me to say. People write what they like, cliched or not, and I'm not here to judge. Though reading the word "Adonis" or "Greek god" in fic makes me want to go out and shoot up a shopping mall. But no big deal.
B: Wait...Edward is Greek?
J: What with all the anal in fic, I just assumed.
B: Greek anal? What the hell kind of fandom is this?
J: A very, very bad one. And that's why children should stay away. See, we've come full circle.
B: What circle? Is this some kind of ritual?
J: Yes. I'm a Druid. Didn't I tell you?
B: Huh?
J: Forget it. You'll find out tomorrow when I force you into a tree worshiping ceremony.
B: Oh, trees. Yeah, those things.
Do your RL friends and family know about your love and obsession with all things Twilight?
J: I'm not in love or obsessed with Twilight. I don't even own the books. I just like to write. My husband knows I write fic, but I don't advertise it to anyone else in my life.
B: No one knows anything - they wouldn't understand. No, I really mean "no one knows anything - they wouldn't understand." I wasn't trying to be emo and shit.
Do you have any other projects going on? Any planned for the future?
B: J is making me lunch as I type this. Does that count as a project? Will she make me another sandwich in the future? I sure hope so.
J: I'm spent from the sandwich making. We're ordering in for dinner.
Do you have anyone that you'd like to thank for helping and supporting you through this fic?
J: Sure. Our beta, SR, and our pre-readers Lucette212 and arfalcon have been invaluable.
B: I heart them.
When you aren't writing which fics are you reading right now?
B: I can't read. I'm functionally illiterate. I can only read my own work, plus Australian legal documents and the back of cereal boxes.
J: It's true. She dictates what she wants to write for DMM to me over Skype. I don't think she actually goes back and reads it, so I can make the characters do anything I want. Next chapter Bella is going to hook up with Jasper. Did we mention DMM is a Jasper/Bella? No?
B: Want some Cheerios?
J: Mmmmmm.
How were you introduced to the fandom? Do you remember which story was the first you read?
J: I was introduced through match.com. You?
B: Yellow Pages.
Is there any information that you would like to share that was not already covered?
We're sorry we didn't really answer your questions. We're normally not such douche bags – we were just having some fun. Thanks for the interview.
J: This all started with a review I received for Finding Home, in which the reviewer, m1eab01 (who you can either thank or blame when this is all over), mentioned that what prompted her to read was a particularly rambling and nonsensical review I left for Bel's The Cullen Campaign. I thought it was really sweet, so I emailed Bel the details.
B: And I said "You and I should write a story one day that's like a ramble-off between Bella and Edward. I know I would read it! Office memos or something like that."
J: And then I said "I can totally see it now. Bella works in the IT department of a huge corporation, and she has to send memos to Edward about his unauthorized web surfing. She watches what he does and while she has to reprimand him about non-work related web usage during working hours, she also inserts little rambles about the websites he visits."
B: And then we discovered that we liked writing together, so much so that we turned that long chain of rambling emails into first few chapters of a real story. Yes, a real story. Not a fake one. A real one. We hope you enjoy reading this, because we've had a blast writing it!
J: Wait. This sounds familiar.
B: Does it? What are you saying? That we don't have any original ideas?
J: No, just that we're lazy.
B: Yeah, okay. So should I write a footnote saying we copy-pasted from our A/N?
J: Meh. That sounds like too much work.
Are there any fanfic authors that inspire you?
Not really. We inspire each other.
What was your main inspiration for your lead characters?
J: We were goofing off and trying to make each other laugh. It's really not more complicated than that.
B: She speaks the truth. Word.
What do you think it takes to make a fic special and stand out to a reader?
B: Special is a subjective term. Generally, I think something original and well-written should stand out. Or, you know, you can write a bunch of smut or something. ("Bunch of smut"... that doesn't seem like the best collective term. But I digress...).
What did/do you find the hardest about writing this story?
J: We literally live a world away, so collaborating can be difficult. So I'll neglect my family for a time when I know Bel is free. Because fan fiction is much more important than feeding my family.
B: In Tomorrowland, DMM writes you! Oh wait, that's Soviet Russia. My bad.
Why do you think people should read this story?
J: They shouldn't. It's terrible and we're a bad influence on the youth of the world.
B: Just the youth? Way to discriminate, J.
J: It's too late for adults, isn't it? We're already so screwed up it doesn't make a difference. Most adults know they can't orgasm on demand.
What cliches do you feel authors should avoid while writing fanfic?
J: That's not really for me to say. People write what they like, cliched or not, and I'm not here to judge. Though reading the word "Adonis" or "Greek god" in fic makes me want to go out and shoot up a shopping mall. But no big deal.
B: Wait...Edward is Greek?
J: What with all the anal in fic, I just assumed.
B: Greek anal? What the hell kind of fandom is this?
J: A very, very bad one. And that's why children should stay away. See, we've come full circle.
B: What circle? Is this some kind of ritual?
J: Yes. I'm a Druid. Didn't I tell you?
B: Huh?
J: Forget it. You'll find out tomorrow when I force you into a tree worshiping ceremony.
B: Oh, trees. Yeah, those things.
Do your RL friends and family know about your love and obsession with all things Twilight?
J: I'm not in love or obsessed with Twilight. I don't even own the books. I just like to write. My husband knows I write fic, but I don't advertise it to anyone else in my life.
B: No one knows anything - they wouldn't understand. No, I really mean "no one knows anything - they wouldn't understand." I wasn't trying to be emo and shit.
Do you have any other projects going on? Any planned for the future?
B: J is making me lunch as I type this. Does that count as a project? Will she make me another sandwich in the future? I sure hope so.
J: I'm spent from the sandwich making. We're ordering in for dinner.
Do you have anyone that you'd like to thank for helping and supporting you through this fic?
J: Sure. Our beta, SR, and our pre-readers Lucette212 and arfalcon have been invaluable.
B: I heart them.
When you aren't writing which fics are you reading right now?
B: I can't read. I'm functionally illiterate. I can only read my own work, plus Australian legal documents and the back of cereal boxes.
J: It's true. She dictates what she wants to write for DMM to me over Skype. I don't think she actually goes back and reads it, so I can make the characters do anything I want. Next chapter Bella is going to hook up with Jasper. Did we mention DMM is a Jasper/Bella? No?
B: Want some Cheerios?
J: Mmmmmm.
How were you introduced to the fandom? Do you remember which story was the first you read?
J: I was introduced through match.com. You?
B: Yellow Pages.
Is there any information that you would like to share that was not already covered?
We're sorry we didn't really answer your questions. We're normally not such douche bags – we were just having some fun. Thanks for the interview.
Thanks for reading!
TFDB Staff
Ash (@frzr71186)
[Ed note: If that author interview didn't make you want to read the story to see what kind of shenanigans Edward and Bella get into with each other, I don't know what will. -sapphire]
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